Being happy...

Now if I am being totally truthful... I'm not sure if I'm ever fulfilled! That might sound weird.. but with my depression I don't often reallllly feel good.. or great or even reallllly happy. I have moments I enjoy, things I love but it doesn't often really reach the core of me. I want to feel all gooey and soppy and amazingly sing and dance down the street happy and go to bed at the end of the day feeling like I lived a really authentic ME today.

How does one get from point A (where I am now) to point fulfilled (where I aim to be)????

I have decided step one is to do things that make me happy (even if the happiness I feel is fleeting)

so to start off I am going to make a list of things that make me happy.. they might be utterly random but they are things that make me smile inside or out and give me a little joy in my day. (so next time I'm feeling bad I can read this list and go do or find something on it)

I will add to this list as I think of things.

1. Receiving a txt from a friend that's random and unexpected
2. Receiving an email for no real reason but to chat
3. Receiving mail that's not a bill (doesn't happen often but when it does I love it)
4. The feel of my children's arms around my neck as they hug me
5. The sound of my children's laughter
6. Being told "I love you mumma"
7. Other people appreciating food I have cooked
8. The feeling when I have made something and it turns out how I imagined
9. Seeing my children appreciate things I have made them
10. The smell of books
11. Browsing at the library
12. Finishing a really good book
13. The moment in a good book when I want to stop and write out a quote that moved me so I don't forget it
14. Watching my children enjoy books
15. Seeing new flowers blooming
16. the smell of rain on hot concrete
17. the smell of cut grass
18. the sound as cars go over railway tracks
19. photos that truly capture a moment how you see it in your head
20. beautiful loopy handwriting
21. colourful crystals
22. the smell of good coffee
23. colourful eyeshadow
24. good mascara
25. hypnotic poison perfume (I have worn it for 12 years)
26. music that makes you think it was written for you or about your life
27. movies that touch you and make you want to make the world a better place
28. thrift and vintage shopping
29. finding something amazing when thrift or vintage shopping
30. reading blogs by people I aspire to be more like
31. making something new out of something old
32. cinnamon
33. vanilla
34. coconut
35. passionfruit
36. candles and incense
37. holding a new baby
38. picking food grown in my garden
39. greeting my children after school
40. checking on my sleeping children and seeing their peaceful sleeping faces
41. slipping into a freshly made bed with clean sheets