WELL its been a while.

Rather than try and catch up from where we left off. I will just carry on from today.

I feel so inspired right now.

Spring and Summer do that to me.

But then again Autumn does too.

I think its just the long dragged out Southland winters that get me down.

Right now I am loving...

How the air smells, cut grass, spring flowers, sunshine, spring rain.

The sounds of my neighborhood seem to be clearer, or spread further. I can hear beautiful laughter and play from the school over our back fence. I can head laughter and play from all the houses with kiddos on my street.

Birds sing.

The feel of sunshine on me as I garden. It actually makes me want to garden.

The feeling of dirt under my fingernails.

The satisfaction of washing on the line. In winter here it never happens.

Windows open all over the house. And for me sleeping with a little one open in my room. I love the crisp yet not too cold night air in my room.

The colours, the sky, the flowers, the grass, the trees coming back to life.

The world is coming alive around me and me with it.

I feel like a better mother & friend when I am inspired.

I feel like a better person, a better soul when I am inspired.

Yet I sometimes let myself get uninspired. I stop doing things that make me happy. I don't know why.

When did I last own a lovely scented candle? I love candles, yet I don't own any.

When did I last draw? I know I am not good but I love the feeling anyway.

When did I last sew? scrapbook? write (beyond notes in a notebook)?

I find such satisfaction in those things. Yet I let myself stop doing them.

I am back gardening. Growing food for my family. 

I have many projects and ideas brewing.

Time to make being inspired a daily job.

Because I am a better person when I am.

No one said parenting was glamorous

But no one said it would be so lonely, never-ending, groundhog day, I would rather watch paint dry than pickup those toys again, lets just throw money down the drain rather than cook and serve meals that end up all over the table and floor, why do you not hear me calling but you hear the crinkle of a biscuit packet frustrating either.....

I love my kiddos, and I love being a mumma. I love so much about it, and I'm sure I will write a post about that soon just so I don't feel like a moaner. But some days/weeks/months I just want to scream. I get one room tidy to clean another and come back and the first one is messy again. Meals never get eaten without moaning and food wasted. Fights oh the fights..... it just seems to take it out of me over the day til the end of the day feels like a lifetime away and I just want to run and hide. Ive taken to putting my ipod on and actually ignoring it all for a bit just so I don't flip my lid (heck don't I sound like a awesome parent??).

I know it will get better and my depressing woe is me rut will pass or at least seem to pass til the next one arrives but man oh man I need a stiff drink tonight.. lol

On the plus side outside my lounge window (on the neighbours property) there is a tree... its not an exciting tree BUT at night when the sky is changing colours til darkness hits I love this tree... the changing sky looks so pretty behind this tree, it lights the branches and foliage just so and I love it... its utterly enchanting.. I imagine a group of fairies working away inside that tree that's how it enchants me.. of course no one else would find this tree enchanting but I find myself wasting an hour at night just staring out the window at the tree and the sky.

On the path – finding myself

I am on a journey. Its a long one… but I am learning to love the journey so that’s ok.
I was 20years old when I became a mother, I was young, naive, and had lost myself in a relationship. Certainly not the first woman to do so and I wont be the last but back then I had no idea. Looking back now I see how lost and sad I was.
Fast forward a few years and I was a single mother to two babies struggling to find my place in the world. The journey to find myself began. Fast forward a few more years and I am a single mother to three children and a little further into the journey.
I’ve made many mistakes, found strength I didn’t know I had, learnt new skills and discovered passions I had forgotten about and new passions that make my days brighter.
I have learnt I am more than a mother, and its important I nurture that part of me as my children need to see me as someone who has interests, loves, passions, someone who finds joy, happiness and sadness in the world around us.
I am on a constantly changing path that surprises me all the time. I am learning not to sweat the small stuff, to find joy in small things, to surround myself by things that inspire me, to chase dreams, and love love love with all I have.

I’m excited to share this space with Ashlee and to build an awesome reminder of this journey, our goals, dreams and to help each other along the way.