you are right babe, it is the unexpectedness of it. I didnt expect it to be rosy cheeks and glorious days, I expected tantrums and tears. But this depression pulls at ya and takes so much out of you. yesterday I cried so much and I was exhuasted, but I was already exhausted from feeling this "GREYNESS" which I cant explain. AND YOU WANT IT TO GO AWAY.......... but you CANT, you cant make it go away and you dont know its there. I get very angry with all of that, not being able to control my own thoughts!
I too am a tip - my house and everything. Some days are so hard. You are right, its frekn hard doing the same thing over and over. He goes to work and I love him and respect him for that, but at home I get the same shit, different day. I take my hat of to you babe for doing it alone, I just couldnt imagine. xxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, October 28, 2010
No one said parenting was glamorous
But no one said it would be so lonely, never-ending, groundhog day, I would rather watch paint dry than pickup those toys again, lets just throw money down the drain rather than cook and serve meals that end up all over the table and floor, why do you not hear me calling but you hear the crinkle of a biscuit packet frustrating either.....
I love my kiddos, and I love being a mumma. I love so much about it, and I'm sure I will write a post about that soon just so I don't feel like a moaner. But some days/weeks/months I just want to scream. I get one room tidy to clean another and come back and the first one is messy again. Meals never get eaten without moaning and food wasted. Fights oh the fights..... it just seems to take it out of me over the day til the end of the day feels like a lifetime away and I just want to run and hide. Ive taken to putting my ipod on and actually ignoring it all for a bit just so I don't flip my lid (heck don't I sound like a awesome parent??).
I know it will get better and my depressing woe is me rut will pass or at least seem to pass til the next one arrives but man oh man I need a stiff drink tonight.. lol
On the plus side outside my lounge window (on the neighbours property) there is a tree... its not an exciting tree BUT at night when the sky is changing colours til darkness hits I love this tree... the changing sky looks so pretty behind this tree, it lights the branches and foliage just so and I love it... its utterly enchanting.. I imagine a group of fairies working away inside that tree that's how it enchants me.. of course no one else would find this tree enchanting but I find myself wasting an hour at night just staring out the window at the tree and the sky.
I love my kiddos, and I love being a mumma. I love so much about it, and I'm sure I will write a post about that soon just so I don't feel like a moaner. But some days/weeks/months I just want to scream. I get one room tidy to clean another and come back and the first one is messy again. Meals never get eaten without moaning and food wasted. Fights oh the fights..... it just seems to take it out of me over the day til the end of the day feels like a lifetime away and I just want to run and hide. Ive taken to putting my ipod on and actually ignoring it all for a bit just so I don't flip my lid (heck don't I sound like a awesome parent??).
I know it will get better and my depressing woe is me rut will pass or at least seem to pass til the next one arrives but man oh man I need a stiff drink tonight.. lol
On the plus side outside my lounge window (on the neighbours property) there is a tree... its not an exciting tree BUT at night when the sky is changing colours til darkness hits I love this tree... the changing sky looks so pretty behind this tree, it lights the branches and foliage just so and I love it... its utterly enchanting.. I imagine a group of fairies working away inside that tree that's how it enchants me.. of course no one else would find this tree enchanting but I find myself wasting an hour at night just staring out the window at the tree and the sky.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
the depths of it
you're lying there, so confused and frustrated, not knowing how you feel or why you are feeling like that.
It hurts, it hurts all over. Just make it better. Just make it go away.
You cry or you want to cry and cant.
Every little thing makes you angry or want to cry.
Why cant you just be happy?
Depression SUCKS!
It hurts, it hurts all over. Just make it better. Just make it go away.
You cry or you want to cry and cant.
Every little thing makes you angry or want to cry.
Why cant you just be happy?
Depression SUCKS!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Bubble Bath
Just sussed out ecostores
new bubble bath! Smells devine, makes lovely bubbles (rare in natural products!) but they dont last too long so ya gotta make the most of them while they're there. I chucked a handful of epsom salts in too for my aches and pains but it wasnt a relaxing bath with a 2 YO!!! The other two are in there now and having a ball (baths a rare in this house!).
This follows a pretty lazy day, shot into town with kids and ended up buying Miss a new outfit after an accident, and then we watched Wall E together. Went for a walk to the playground and had burgers for dinner :-)
NO housework and lots of kid-quality time - of course tomorrow I will have to play catch-up on this dump LOL but it was nice to take a break!!! Might watch a movie tonight :-)
new bubble bath! Smells devine, makes lovely bubbles (rare in natural products!) but they dont last too long so ya gotta make the most of them while they're there. I chucked a handful of epsom salts in too for my aches and pains but it wasnt a relaxing bath with a 2 YO!!! The other two are in there now and having a ball (baths a rare in this house!).
This follows a pretty lazy day, shot into town with kids and ended up buying Miss a new outfit after an accident, and then we watched Wall E together. Went for a walk to the playground and had burgers for dinner :-)
NO housework and lots of kid-quality time - of course tomorrow I will have to play catch-up on this dump LOL but it was nice to take a break!!! Might watch a movie tonight :-)
Saturday
We had another baking session, with a little insert from the Womens Weekly magazine. We made choc fudge slice, shrewsberry's, marshmallow slice, banana cake, and a pav. Wonderful! It was the best pav I have ever made and even the marshmallow slice turned out well! The kids came in and out and took turns measuring and mixing, and enjoyed eating it of course! My feet ached like buggery but it was good fun. Took three loads in the dishwasher to clean the mess, more than 3 and a half hours in the kitchen, because unlike some of my other Saturday morning baking sessions, these recipes were quite new and fiddly.Great to have the tins filled and nice to spend some time with the kids!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Everything always happens at once
Exams next week, just finishing up some major volunteer commitments, trying to tidy up the house... and I get slammed with a chest infection!
Its like Im back in June, when I was trying to study and had morning sickness and got pneumonia. It was all too much then. I can see that spiral of a tornado approaching me now... I dont want to do it again, I never want to go down that path again. But its coming........
I have written a 5 week plan, to coincide with the 5 weeks of home help I have. To get me organised. Dont think Im doing too well, this is week 1 and I was supposed to do the table and the hallway - havent even finished the table yet LOL
But read Wendyl Nissens Home Companion this week and feel more energised than ever to get greener and more domestic goddess-y - bring it on!
Its like Im back in June, when I was trying to study and had morning sickness and got pneumonia. It was all too much then. I can see that spiral of a tornado approaching me now... I dont want to do it again, I never want to go down that path again. But its coming........
I have written a 5 week plan, to coincide with the 5 weeks of home help I have. To get me organised. Dont think Im doing too well, this is week 1 and I was supposed to do the table and the hallway - havent even finished the table yet LOL
But read Wendyl Nissens Home Companion this week and feel more energised than ever to get greener and more domestic goddess-y - bring it on!
Friday, October 8, 2010
On the path – finding myself
I am on a journey. Its a long one… but I am learning to love the journey so that’s ok.
I was 20years old when I became a mother, I was young, naive, and had lost myself in a relationship. Certainly not the first woman to do so and I wont be the last but back then I had no idea. Looking back now I see how lost and sad I was.
Fast forward a few years and I was a single mother to two babies struggling to find my place in the world. The journey to find myself began. Fast forward a few more years and I am a single mother to three children and a little further into the journey.
I’ve made many mistakes, found strength I didn’t know I had, learnt new skills and discovered passions I had forgotten about and new passions that make my days brighter.
I have learnt I am more than a mother, and its important I nurture that part of me as my children need to see me as someone who has interests, loves, passions, someone who finds joy, happiness and sadness in the world around us.
I am on a constantly changing path that surprises me all the time. I am learning not to sweat the small stuff, to find joy in small things, to surround myself by things that inspire me, to chase dreams, and love love love with all I have.
I’m excited to share this space with Ashlee and to build an awesome reminder of this journey, our goals, dreams and to help each other along the way.
I was 20years old when I became a mother, I was young, naive, and had lost myself in a relationship. Certainly not the first woman to do so and I wont be the last but back then I had no idea. Looking back now I see how lost and sad I was.
Fast forward a few years and I was a single mother to two babies struggling to find my place in the world. The journey to find myself began. Fast forward a few more years and I am a single mother to three children and a little further into the journey.
I’ve made many mistakes, found strength I didn’t know I had, learnt new skills and discovered passions I had forgotten about and new passions that make my days brighter.
I have learnt I am more than a mother, and its important I nurture that part of me as my children need to see me as someone who has interests, loves, passions, someone who finds joy, happiness and sadness in the world around us.
I am on a constantly changing path that surprises me all the time. I am learning not to sweat the small stuff, to find joy in small things, to surround myself by things that inspire me, to chase dreams, and love love love with all I have.
I’m excited to share this space with Ashlee and to build an awesome reminder of this journey, our goals, dreams and to help each other along the way.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Saturday Afternoon Baking
I feel that part of domestic bliss is a couple of hours weekly baking and then tins full of goodies for the week.
It certainly makes lunch-making easier to have slices, cakes, muffins and cookies on hand! You cant beat that home-made decadence and it is so satisfying.
In my head, a Saturday session of baking usually falls into the too-hard basket. But I have to change that because in my last few sessions of baking, I have managed to churn out some incredible amounts of biscuits and muffins in about an hour! SO I would like to start making this a regular habit. The kids love to help although this requires some serious patience! But if I have the energy to stand for an hour, & clean-up as I go, I am certain to reap the rewards!
Well today we went to the park for a walk and I really really wanted a slice. We have no plain biscuits, no apricots etc so the options are limited. I resorted to melting half a pack of choc drops with a little cream, and then stirring through a couple of cups of ricies & cornflakes to create crackles in mini-muffin trays. They're a hit with the kids and so so easy!!
It certainly makes lunch-making easier to have slices, cakes, muffins and cookies on hand! You cant beat that home-made decadence and it is so satisfying.
In my head, a Saturday session of baking usually falls into the too-hard basket. But I have to change that because in my last few sessions of baking, I have managed to churn out some incredible amounts of biscuits and muffins in about an hour! SO I would like to start making this a regular habit. The kids love to help although this requires some serious patience! But if I have the energy to stand for an hour, & clean-up as I go, I am certain to reap the rewards!
Well today we went to the park for a walk and I really really wanted a slice. We have no plain biscuits, no apricots etc so the options are limited. I resorted to melting half a pack of choc drops with a little cream, and then stirring through a couple of cups of ricies & cornflakes to create crackles in mini-muffin trays. They're a hit with the kids and so so easy!!
On the Path - Being a Supermum
I feel like I am on a journey - on a path to create a bit of domestic bliss in our lives. I am blessed with healthy children, a very loving and supportive other half, and a nice home. I want for very little, really (of course I live in consumerism and always want more!!).
I am trying to achieve my domestic bliss:
*I want to cook healthy meals from scratch with good quality ingredients
*I dont want to be sucked in by brands or consumerism
*I dont like being surrounded in clutter, I want a nice home that is family friendly but easy to tidy
*I would like to look further into home education
*I want us to live a natural lifestyle without loads of chemicals and processed items
*I want to create wonderful memories for my family, and capture & preserve them for us to remember
I dont expect any of this to happen overnight but I would like to be striving to provide the absolute best for my family. My current goals are to reduce our spending and reduce our clutter by getting more organised.
I am trying to achieve my domestic bliss:
*I want to cook healthy meals from scratch with good quality ingredients
*I dont want to be sucked in by brands or consumerism
*I dont like being surrounded in clutter, I want a nice home that is family friendly but easy to tidy
*I would like to look further into home education
*I want us to live a natural lifestyle without loads of chemicals and processed items
*I want to create wonderful memories for my family, and capture & preserve them for us to remember
I dont expect any of this to happen overnight but I would like to be striving to provide the absolute best for my family. My current goals are to reduce our spending and reduce our clutter by getting more organised.
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